


My First Love

by smcy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Gen, Heavy Angst, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 02:35:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14760972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smcy/pseuds/smcy
Summary: I know there are vague and ambiguous areas here. I didn't want to explain them anymore because I wanted the readers to have the freedom to interpret.I wrote this while listening Mary Beth Maziarz's album "A More Perfect World". The songs from that album set the mood - songs that you might feel listening to when it's raining to reminisce beautiful moments.Feel free to leave a comment below on what you thought about this! :)





	My First Love

every moment spent with you felt like a scene from a movie.

but just not any scene - it was an ambiguous scene. i didn't know how i felt because at that moment i knew i felt everything - how happy i was for meeting you, for having the chance to love you but at the same time i felt scared. i felt so scared of losing you. at that moment, i wanted to be selfish. i was happy, you were happy. we were happy. i wanted to tell you to stay like this forever. forever - i wanted to remember every single detail of you. i didn't want to forget. no, i shouldn't forget. i SHOULDN'T forget. i can't forget.

but alas, fate truly is cruel. the universe against us. one day, i forgot. i forgot how it felt like the first time. each passing day, the feelings engraved on those memories forgotten. i'm sorry, i didn't mean it. you know i didn't, right? all the times i told you i loved you, i meant all of it. i truly loved you. i truly love you. i'm so sorry. you told me i shouldn't apologize for this but i can't help it. every day, i see you struggle. every day, i don't know why you keep struggling for me. these days all i ever do is push you away. i wish i could bring back time, i wish i knew that this was what our future would look like. then again, if we all knew what the future held, none of us would be human, right? love, i'm sorry that i always forget. but baby, i'm sick.

i don't know why you would spend your remaining days with me. baby, i forget you every day. and yet you patiently love me with all your heart. i've written on my notebook several notes to remember. you and i both know this is a lost cause. you, of all person, would know.

it's fascinating how i forget you every day but weirdly, feel everything at the same time. you give me a sense of warmth and reassurance.

my first, my last, the only one - that is what you are, love. please remember that.

when this day ends, a new day will come. the following days until the day i die, i will never remember you. i will never remember how much you made me laugh. i will never remember how you liked your eggs in the morning. i will never remember you.

 

this is where we part.

 

because,

 

you're no longer with us. 

**Author's Note:**

> I know there are vague and ambiguous areas here. I didn't want to explain them anymore because I wanted the readers to have the freedom to interpret.
> 
> I wrote this while listening Mary Beth Maziarz's album "A More Perfect World". The songs from that album set the mood - songs that you might feel listening to when it's raining to reminisce beautiful moments.
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment below on what you thought about this! :)


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